When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
