How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
