my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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