Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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