o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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