sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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