the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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