You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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