OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
BRING THE BAGELS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize