i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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