she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
