Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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