Already got asked if we're dating
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize