No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
