Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me I should be a condom model.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
