oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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