Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize