Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
