I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
