She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
