I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
