the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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