lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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