its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
