My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
