Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
