Cold hands, warm shart.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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