and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
