I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
