I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
