Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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