walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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