i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
