We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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