Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
