Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
