Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
