you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize