My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
