So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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