Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
