Screwed.edu
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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