her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize