My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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