Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
