Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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