wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
