the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
