if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
