can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
