lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
