I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's never too late to be topless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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