i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
