You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
