Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
