Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
