TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize