You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
