I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
