i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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