I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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