Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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