Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
