is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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