I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
