just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
