dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
