just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
