Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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