Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
