Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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