I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
