I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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