well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
