I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
