She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
