Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
