Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
