Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
