He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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