Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
