Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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