you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
