we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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