so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
