I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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