just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please come you make the beer taste better
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
