My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize