so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
