she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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