she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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