He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize