I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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