just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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