He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
