i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
