My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
